10.7 Fearful

I just can't seem to grasp on that stable feeling where I know and feel I wont be harmed and hurt, no matter what. Sometimes I can feel i'm almost there, inches away to gripping an imaginary pole to feel stable.. but then I feel that i'm slowly being pulled away by something that's tangibly not even there... Until i realize it's something i really can't see and worse of all, something I can't fight.. fear. I don't like confrontation, especially if I know that i was to be blamed. I would be biased if I were to say I didn't deserve this because I really think I don't. It's really unfair that it's only me going through this but when I made that mistake that created my fear, I wasn't the only one present. People could just be so unforgiving. once you've made even the minute of all minute mistakes, they completely forget all the great things you've done for them in a flash. I hate the fact that I'm getting affected again. I try to keep myself whole and stable but it just keeps coming after me.. like a shadow i can't hide from. It's irritating and the feeling gets more horrendous every single time it resurfaces. I know I shouldn't let this get the best of me, or whatever's left of my dignity, that is. It's such a small thing that created a big scary monster called fear and the thought that it can crush me any moment makes my knees tremble and my head spin and it makes it much harder for me to scream for help. Yes, I know that i was wrong even though i wasn't the only one.. The only thing that's bothering me is that, it was hard for me to let go but i was able to. So why can't they?