"What?"
I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. I continued to slurp my drink.
"Lennard! Can you just stop it?!"
She got up and left. Right then and there I knew she found my stash of dirty gay magazines underneath my bed. I never admitted it to anyone and she was the first to know. I didn't even feel bad. I didn't feel like I owed anyone an explanation. I didn't feel the need to come out. If was gay, I was gay. I'd continue to act like I've always acted. If anyone asked, then I'd say it.
***
I just came from lunch with my friends. I found out that one of my other gay friends has been telling everyone that I said Carlo and I had a thing. Carlo is as straight as a ruler. I knew that but I'd admit it, I was in love with him even if I knew he'd never be interested in me. I feel so stupid. Whatever. I'll soon get over it. I'm just happy my friends want to take me out tonight. Maybe I'll find someone.
We got to the club just before midnight. There was this cute guy standing alone by the bar. I need a drink.
"Hey, come here often?" I asked.
"Are you serious? You're going to use that line on me?" The guy laughed. And I laughed along with him.
"My name's Sel, by the way." I extended my arm out.
"I'm Lennard. Do you want a drink?"
His smile is the cutest thing I've ever seen.
***
Sel and I have been together for almost a year. I've never been happier. He paid for my law school tuition and for all my law books. Although I think my luck is running out. He's been getting sick recently. I don't know what's happening to him. I just try my best to take care of him. The other day he had a wound on his arm.
"Ano ba yan. Kung saan-saan ka sumusuot. Ayan tuloy may galis-aso ka." I laughed. He didn't say anything.
"Okay ka lang?"
"Samahan mo ako sa doktor bukas. Okay lang?"
"Of course. Anything for you."
***
A few days ago, Lennard and I went to the doctor and I took some tests. The doctor said he'd call when he got the results. I was in my study when the phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Sel, I have your test results and it doesn't look good."
"Ano ho ang sakit ko, doc?" I was worried. I wanted to cry.
"Sel, you have aids. I'm sorry."
Tears fell from my eyes. I couldn't hear what the doctor said after he told me the bad news. I just kept grunting. I hung up after I set up an appointment with him. I got up from my seat and walked towards my room and lay on my bed. I just laid there until the sun set.
***
"Sel?" I just got back from school and I couldn't find Sel anywhere. I went up to our room to check if he was there. He barely stays in the room during the day. He only comes up here when he wants to sleep. I found him lying on the bed.
"Sel, are you okay?" He turned away from me and began to cry.
"Hey, what's wrong?" I tried to touch him but he moved away.
"Lenny, don't touch me. Please."
"What's wrong?" He got up and sat on the bed.
"I have something very important to tell you and I don't care if you want to leave me after."
"I would never do that, Sel. What is it?"
"I have aids."
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